Monday, April 01, 2013

My solution to the North Korean crisis

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This is all much simpler than it looks.
Dennis Rodman has shown us the way!
Here is the secret: Kim Jong Un is secretly in love with the USA and all things American.
You'd really have to be madly in love with the idea of America to invite a freak like Dennis Rodman to your country and hang out with him... But the young dictator needs to be taught the ways of my people at first hand.
The poor people of North Korea are skinny and starving… This is NOT the American way!
In America, the poor people are fat and have diabetes… We must Americanize North Korea, not bomb them.
I don’t think North Korea should be “taken out”, that is a strategy that in the process might very well tip the entire world economy into depression… Quite the contrary, I think they should be “taken in”, they should be given more food than they can possibly eat, if possible containing lots of corn syrup. Kim Jong Un should be invited to Hollywood, visit Disneyland, have his picture taken with Mickey Mouse, see a Laker’s game and eat a hamburger in the company of Barack Obama and Michael Jordan… let him party with the cheerleaders… the works.
I’m perfectly serious… I really think that it might be that simple with this kid. My reading is that his grandfather fought the Japanese and created North Korea and started the Korean war, Kim Jong Un’s father lived all that and the consolidation of the regime as a young man. These were serious grown ups, but Kim Jong Un is probably a spoiled brat with no idea of anything, living in a dream world… Make his dreams come true!
So, cutting to the chase, my plan is to treat Kim and his people like our own: we idiotize the North Koreans with video games, Bruce Willis films and smartphones and wind up by giving them free dialysis for diabetes-2 related kidney failure induced from ingesting massive quantities of our junk food… then we’ve got them hooked... eating out of our hands so to speak... easy, like feeding super size Cokes to a baby. DS

1 comment:

Pierre-Alain Touge said...

I believe there is a part of truth in the poor little fat rich kid theory who just needs a little bit of love but North Korea is also a huge military class with a lot of privileges. Talking tough and waving war is their only way to justify their current status and we don't know how much power the chubby brat really has.